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A guide to what your boss says and what he really means.


What he says: 

 What he really means:

“That’s an interesting idea.”
  “WOW! What a fantastic idea! …glad I thought of it.”
“We need to get this project done by Thursday.”   You need to get this project done by Thursday. I need to work on my golf swing.”
“I’d like to announce an exciting growth opportunity for our business…”   “Prepare yourselves to work longer hours for the same pay.”
“I’ll take that into consideration.”   “That’s the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard!”
"We need to watch our expenses."   “Don’t buy anything or hire any new people. I need to keep my company car.”
“Go right ahead, you have my full support.”   “If you screw up, I’ll deny knowing who you are or that you work here.”
“Let’s run this by upper management and see what they think.”   “I’m going to take credit if they like it, and blame you if they don’t."
“I have an open door policy.”   “Anytime my door is open, I’ll be out of the office.”
“We’re going to be making some exciting changes to your benefits package this year.”   “Your heart medication isn’t really that important, is it?”
“I’m glad to see our company has such fine, dedicated workers.”   “I can’t think of your name right now, but I’m sure it will come to me…”
“Hmmm… why don’t we try doing it both ways?”   “I’m not bright or brave enough to make a decision.”
“Take care. Drive home safely.”   “Don’t think I don’t notice how early you leave work.”
“Sick? Don’t worry, we’ve got everything under control here. Just stay in bed and take it easy.”   “You have 24 hrs. before I start looking for your replacement.”
“So, what do you think of my idea?”  

“Let me know if you need help steering your nose up my butt.”

“Can I see you in my office for a second?”   “Bend over.”
“Before we begin, why don’t you give everyone here a quick summary of your proposal?”   “I haven’t bothered to read anything you’ve sent me.”
“There’s going to be many exciting new challenges for the company in the year ahead.”   “You might want to update your resume.”
“That’s just my opinion…why don’t you tell me what you think?”   “Why don’t you take a few minutes and regurgitate what I just said?”
“You look tired. Why don’t you take the afternoon off?”   “Feel lucky I didn’t make you work the entire Saturday.”
“Moving forward, we need to leverage our synergies to capitalize on our fundamental intellectual paradigm.”   “I read a six-month-old copy of Business Week at the dentist’s office this morning.”
“You’re fired!”  

“You’re fired!”
(Hey, even bosses can be up front once in a while).

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Rich Cavanaugh
Fun D Mental.com

Gladwin, MI


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