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Short sentences that are supposed to tell
all about the story.
Problem is, sometimes in an effort to keep the message brief,
it doesn't always make sense.
1. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Do ya think?
2. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Isn't that kind of harsh?
3. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
I remember a few who should've been!
4. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
5. Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
6. Farmer Bill Dies in House
Did he suffer?
7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
I'd Pay to see that!
8. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
I'm not touching that one!
9. Stud Tires Out
10. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
11. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
I wouldn't pay to see That!
12. Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again
13. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
That was nice of 'em!
14. Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
How do you tell between Woman mushrooms, and Man mushrooms?
15. Eye Drops off Shelf
16. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
They probably deserved it.
17. Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
18. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
I'd pay to see that too!
19. Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
But why did he shoot off her leg?
20. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Axe
I'd Really pay to see that!
21. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
That is one possibility.
22. Miners Refuse to Work after Death
I suppose they'll want to be buried next.
23. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
Wonder how many times they'll try it?
24. Stolen Painting Found by Tree
Thats a pretty smart tree!
25. Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
Did it have any last words?
26. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
"It was a Really long line" Said one!
27. Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
Wow, he was really bad to kill him twice!
28. Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
Share the wealth!
29. Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in `84
Where do you sign up for that job?
30. War Dims Hope for Peace
Do ya think?
31. If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
A brilliant grasp of the Obvious!
32. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
I guess we just need more temperatures.
33. Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
Sure it wasn't Natural Causes?
34. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
You won't catch me driving on it!
35. Deer Kill 17,000
Who's been arming the deer?
36. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Weren't they already?.
37. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
SHOCKING! (Sorry, I just had to!)
38. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Look inside any Krispy Kreme!
39. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
Who's bright idea was it to feed astronauts Burritos anyway?
40. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
They certainly do!
41. Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
Somebody's eatin' good tonight!
42. Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
43. British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
Sure, pick on the little people.
44. Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
And just what were they selling them?
45. Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
Careful how you land!
46. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Tough attendance policy!
47. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
Not a very good tradeoff.
48. Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
What can I say?
49. Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing
50. Air Head Fired
Couldn't they just say Blonde?
51. Steals Clock, Faces Time
52. Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff
I don't want to know about his love life!
53. Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni
Wouldn't new pillars work better?
54. Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
Anyone have a crowbar?
55. Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
How many 7 Foot doctors are there?
56. Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training
I'm not really surprised!
57. Include your Children When Baking Cookies
We already know they make a nutritious snack! (see #40)
58. Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction
One word. Gross!!
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