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Redneck Letter from Home!

Dear Billy Joe Jim Bob,

I'm writin' this slow because I know you can't read too fast.
We don't live where we used to did when you left home. Your Pa read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of home, so we moved 30 miles away. We didn't want to change addresses, so we took the numbers with us!

The new place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well, though, Last week I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain, we aint seen none of them clothes since.

The weather aint too bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days.

About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Bubba said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your Pa out.

Your sister had herself a new baby this morning,but I haven't found out what it is yet, so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle. The baby looks just like your brother.

Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some fellers tried to pull him out but he kept fightin 'em off and drowned. The Undertaker did his best, but just couldn't get the smile off'n his face! We had him cremated; he burned for three days. Best bonfire we had in Years!

Three of your friends drove off jones creek bridge in Butch's pickup truck last week. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. The other two fellers were in the back, they drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down. I told Butch he shoulda got that fixed. Course Butch almost drowned hisself when he went back for his beer.

Well, I gotta go. Your Pa wants everybody to help dig the hole for the new Outhouse, Can't believe with the newfangled stuff this place has, it didn't have one already!

Be careful in the Big City.

Your Favorite Aunt Bessy Mae

P.S. I sent you a picture of our new house. Sure is Purty aint it?

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Rich Cavanaugh
Fun D Mental.com

Gladwin, MI


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