Have a hard weekend?
Don't really feel like going to to work on Monday?
Instead of using the same old "I'm sick" or "I have a funeral" excuses.
Try one of these!
Your boss will never look at you the same again!
If it is all the same to you, I won't be coming in to
The voices told me to clean all the guns today.
I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Food
I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour
other half back an hour Saturday,
and spent 18 hours in
some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday
(right up until the explosion).
My stigmata's acting up.
I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my
who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?
Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit
hey, how about them Hoyas, huh? So, I won't
be able to,
yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking
but thank you for calling.
I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy,
but I know
we have that deadline to meet...
I just found out that I was switched at birth.
shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records
contain false information.
When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-Lax in addition
to my Prozac.
I can't get off the john, but I feel good
Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.
The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session.
gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am
The dog ate my car keys.
We're going to hitchhike to the vet.
My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead
must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her
and give her eternal peace.
One day should do it.
I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.
I am extremely sensitive to a drop in the interest rates.
I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined
that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and
I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.
I prefer to remain an enigma.