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Great Excuses for Monday Morning

Have a hard weekend?
Don't really feel like going to to work on Monday?

Instead of using the same old "I'm sick" or "I have a funeral" excuses.
Try one of these!
Your boss will never look at you the same again!

If it is all the same to you, I won't be coming in to work.
The voices told me to clean all the guns today.

I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Food Giant.

I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour
and the other half back an hour Saturday,
and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday
(right up until the explosion).

My stigmata's acting up.

I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss,
who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?

Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and,
hey, how about them Hoyas, huh? So, I won't be able to,
yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint,
but thank you for calling.

I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy,
but I know we have that deadline to meet...

I just found out that I was switched at birth.
Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records
may now contain false information.

When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac.
I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.

Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.

The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session.
He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled.

The dog ate my car keys.
We're going to hitchhike to the vet.

My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead
and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart
and give her eternal peace.
One day should do it.

I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.

I am extremely sensitive to a drop in the interest rates.

I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined
that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and
I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.

I prefer to remain an enigma.

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Rich Cavanaugh
Fun D Mental.com

Gladwin, MI


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