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If you receive an email entitled "Rumplestiltskin"
Delete it immediately!!!
Do not open it!!!!

It will not only erase everything on your hard drive,
but it will also delete anything on disks
within 20 feet of your computer.

It demagnetises the stripes on ALL of your credit cards.
It reprograms your ATM access code,
screws up the tracking on your VCR
and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch
any CD's you attempt to play.

It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings
so all your ice cream melts and your milk curdles.
It will program your phone autodial to call only
your mother-in-law's number.

This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.

It will drink all your beer!

It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table
when you are expecting company.

Its radioactive emissions will cause your toe jam and bellybutton fuzz
(be honest, you have some) to migrate behind your ears.
It will replace your shampoo with Nair
and your Nair with Rogaine,
all while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back
and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card.

Good God People,
Are you Listening to Me???

It will cause you to run with scissors
and throw things in a way that is only fun until someone loses an eye.
It will give you Dutch Elm Disease and TrenchMouth.

It will rewrite your backup files,
changing all your active verbs to passive tense
and incorporating undetectable misspellings
which grossly change the interpretations of key sentences.

If the "Rumplestiltskin" message is opened in a Windows environment,
it will leave the toilet seat up
and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub.
It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows,
but it will also Order Pizzas then Refuse to Pay for them!

It will replace all your luncheon meat with Spam.
It will molecularly rearrange your cologne or perfume,
causing it to smell like dill pickles.

It is insidious and subtle.
It is dangerous and terrifying to behold!

It is also a rather interesting shade of Mauve!

I repeat...
Do Not Open it!!

Warn everyone you know!
Send this to All your friends!

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Rich Cavanaugh
Fun D Mental.com

Gladwin, MI


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